Dundee United

The words Dundee united, the name of a Scottish Football club has a hilarious claim to fame in Nigeria.
It is an insult.
example:

Dundee buruku* - stupid idiot
Dundee united - absolute fool

Apparently this slang term for idiot came about after Dundee United FC lost several matches during a tour of Nigeria in the 60s and 70s. I grew up using the term without really giving a thought to how it came about. Apparently the rest of the world became acquainted with the Nigerian use of the words via the BBC documentary "Welcome to Lagos".

Hilarious! Read more here



*buruku is Yoruba for bad/stupid

Nigeria@50 - a series

Its been a long time! I don't know if anyone still comes around here, but just popping by to do some PR for the Nigeria@ 50 series. Check Loomnie's blog for more details http://loomnie.com/2010/09/25/nigeria50-a-series/.

A COMMON destiny!

Today the 70th anniversary of the Kristalnacht antisemitic riots was marked in Germany. Kristallnacht, or the Night of Broken Glass, is often regarded as the starting point of the Holocaust. For Anglican congregations, today was Rememberance Sunday - which is a day of rememberance for all those who have given their lives in the pursuit of peace and freedom. One part of the pastor's sermon in Church today got me thinking about how, 60 years, the amount of time that has elapsed since the end of WWII wasn't such a long period of time if things are put into perspective. Such conflicts in places like Northern Ireland, the Balkans and even the Hutsi-Tutsi war have gone/went on for so much longer. Seeing how far Western Europe has gone in putting behind the hatred and enimty of the war and in uniting and forging a common destiny is a great lesson, especially for Africa. Below are a few outstanding examples of how far people on different sides of World war II have come in terms of moving on in the last 60 years.

The Dresden Frauenkirche(The Church of our lady), destroyed during the (deliberately? some might controversially argue) bombing of Dresden (which was one of the most beautiful Baroque cities in Europe) by the US and British troops just a few weeks before the end of the war, as well as the Coventry cathedral, destroyed by German bombers during the same war were both kept for years as war memorials. The Dresden Frauenkirche was reconstructed and rededicated in 2005, having been rebuilt over a period of 13 years with donations from severaly sources, including support from the city of Coventry. The new cross on top of the dome of the cathedral was constructed by Alan Smith, a British goldsmith from London whose father, Frank, was a member of one of the aircrews who took part in the bombing of Dresden.

Volgograd was almost completely destroyed during WWII. The Battle of Volgograd/Stalingrad was the bloodiest battle in human history, with combined casualties estimated to be above 1.5 million. I visited war gravesite and memorial in Volgograd(Stalingrad), Russia sometime in early 2001. Some groups in Germany were financing the excavation of the mass graves, and identification of soldiers bodies, both Russian and German. The names of the victims identified so far are engraved into a wall, with the graves of Russian soldiers on one side of the road, and those of German soldiers on the other side.

It always amazes me anytime I travel in Alsace, the region in France of which Strasbourg, where the council of Europe has its seat, is the capital city. Alsace is a region that lies between Germanz and France and which has several times in its history been transferred back and forth between the two countries. In fact, during the last war, members of the same family were drafted to fight on different sides. Yet, today, the people of Alsace, France and Germany have moved on. Alsacians can now speak their language freely and celebrate their culture openly. One can move freely between both countries, live in France and work in Germany and vice-versa. You can do your shopping across the border in the same currency, without any stress or fear (Of course once you cross the border, even though there are rarely any checks, you instinctively sense you are in a different country due to the difference in architecture and landscape).

These are a few examples of how far these peoples have come in the 6o years since the war ended. How I wished many African countries would take a cue. A peculiarity of African wars is that most of the conflicts in Africa are tribal/ethnic conflicts that have spanned centuries - before the Europeans arrived and complicated the problems by forcing them into one country, Hutsis and Tutsis were killing each other, etc. Wars within a country only destroy the common future for both the agressor and the aggrieved. The current conflict in Congo has very few winners, perhaps 0,001% of the population.

Even in Nigeria where thére is currently no war going on, tribalism has continued to pull us down. This disease that makes the fact of a person being 'my brother' the single most important fact in political appointments or in the prosecution of offences is pulling us back as a country. There is a subconcious tribal war going on in that country. Its time to realise that as long as Nigeria remains one country, we share a common destiny. To paraphrase that biblical admonishment to captive Jews in a foreign land 'pray for the peace of the land you are in, for in its peace, you will find your peace'. Without peace for the Igbo, the Yoruba cannot have peace in the same country. As long as some people in the North continue in ignorance to refuse vaccination for their children against polio, all of our children will continue to be at risk of polio. As long as progress and justice bypasses the Niger Delta, true economic progress cannot come to the whole country. Our destinies and futures are shared. We need to let that fact permeate our minds and hearts.

Yes we can!!!

Overwhelmed and filled with gratitude to be alive in these extraordinary times, I am jogged out of my unplanned but extended hiatus from Blogville by the awesomeness of the history-making election of Barack Hussein Obama as the next president of the United States of America.

While I am not American, I believe one does not need to be American to realise that we are at a "defining moment in history" to quote the US President-Elect. Happy disbelief and enormous joy apart, my main emotions today have been melancholy and deep reflection.

What Barack Obama has achieved is undeniable proof that with determination, hard work and God on your side, nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible for he who believes. Yes we can.
"Yes we can" has become more than a campaign slogan, it has become a mantra that will be chanted by generations to come, the symbol of a new era.

As a Nigerian, I feel the twin emotions of despair at the bleakness of the situation of my beloved nation, and hope that "Yes we can", yes we can turn that nation around. Yes we can, destroy the ills of corruption, injustice and lack of integrity that plague our public space. Yes we can, shatter the chains of tribalism that have kept our nation enslaved. Yes we can create a better tomorrow for future generations. The greatest thing that we can gain from this historic occurence as a nation is an awakening to the possibilities that abound to us as a people if we pick up the mantle of change and determine not only to say, but to act in the knowledge that yes we can begin a new day.

As a mother to be, I am reassured that with the God's help, I can confidently leave behind, on this historic day, any insecurities and fears about future difficulties that my unborn child might face as a person of colour growing up in a predominantly Caucasian society, my fears about any limitations or barriers that will be placed in the way just by due to skin colour. "For nothing is impossible to him that believeth". If God decrees a thing, no one can stop it. Yes we can.

For me personally, this is a watershed moment - a moment that internally frees me to go for what I believe. Not to worry about whether my decision to take a leap into the unknown, to maybe leave a great job to follow the path that is dear to my heart, yet as fully clear as it is. To follow my heart down a path that I believe to be the right one for me, as I silently chant “yes we can”.

Melancholy

I originally drafted this post on 9/6/2006 but never posted it.
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I've just watched a one hour video with excerpts of interviews from Maaman Vatsa's widow and sons. Its just so sad. One of the things that make my blood boil is our denial as a people. My father and I had a heated argument about contemporary Nigerian culture a few weeks ago. According to him, one has to be careful, because western values are eroding our society, and lie at the root of our problems as a nation. I just could not hear that calmly. Western people have public structures in place, universal education, enough food, regular electricity and clean water for all their people. I don't care what they are doing wrong, I'd like to have a part in it!

We in Nigeria on the other hand are God-fearing - the number of Public places of worship is unbelievable- yet we cannot provide education, portable water, constant electricity,etc, etc, yet we have the audacity to sit on a moral high horse about other people's values. We have such a huge LOG in our eyes, so big that we are 3/4 blind, yet we claim to see the gnat in other people's eyes.

We claim to be godly, but obviously we do not adhere to the saying "cleanliness is next to godliness", as the amount of rubbish on our roads can attest to. We are such egoists that caring for number one is uppermost in our minds. We get slighted at the slightest hint of disrespect. "Don't you know I'm so and so". People are content to live in their mansions surrounded by stark suffering. We wallow in our ability to throw crumbs under the table to our fellow Nigerians. We claim that we are decent and regularly express outrage at the morals of westerners, yet anyone who has ever been to female halls of residence at a Nigerian University knows that our exclamations are a case of pot calling the kettle black. At least, the Europeans mostly do it for love, or desire. What do you say about a nation of people who worship the god of their bellies. What about using every means possible to extort money from fellow human beings. We are not the poorest nation on earth so we cannot claim that we are the way we are because we are poor. And a lot of our people are well educated, but the education seems only to make them worse.

Many times I despair for our nation. Every nation has its ups and downs, but how do you retrive a people whose morals and ideals have been corroded away by selfishness and greed? Is there still a chance to pull us back from the edge of the precipice or have we already fallen over?


Nobody can convince me this was how our cultures were. Just a little glimpse back into my relationship with people who have since passed impresses upon my mind that it was not always this way.
We have become a people with no ability to "cut our coat according to our cloth" not as individuals, not as a nation. We are a nation of suffering people, yet at the slightest opportunity, we carry out orgies of spending, regardless of where we get the money from.

Generating sets......

I have read several articles this week, in which some governor has promised to provide groups of people with generating sets and boreholes. In one case it was the traditional rulers in Ekiti state, in another people about to be renderred homeless by the expansion of the Oba of Lagos' new palace.
How about making sure PHCN works properly, and that the water corporation does its job like it used to? Sometimes I just can't understand how Nigerians think!

Must read article

This article from Dr. Gary Busch on the Nigerian Village Square has left me beyond speech.

Nigeria in the news

Africa has many problems, no sensible person would argue that fact, but by reporting only on the negatives, Western news organisations are helping perpetuate stereotypes and prejudices which are a major part of Africa's problems. No reporting at all is better than the constant negativity which Africa in general and Nigeria in particular gets from the major news organisations.

The fact that the Niger Delta issue must be reported is not one that I am disputing, the lack of objectivity is what one questions. I have seen several reports that aim at showing that the Iraqis are just like “the rest of us”, in spite of the inhuman, atrocious activities of the insurgents there. It would seem that there is nobody in Sub-Saharan Africa, or Nigeria at least who is living normally “just like the rest of us”. Things are moving on in Africa, markets are emerging and growing. There are millions in Africa who do not depend on aid, who are studying and working, who are doing a honest day’s job and are being innovative, and living decent honest lives whose stories have never and will never be told if it is left to Western news outfits. Only 419 stories and atrocities make it to the screens. No wonder millions in Africa are tuning to the Al-jazeera English service to get their news.

Reports like this photo essay on Time magazine website, are just absolutely imbalanced. While there are millions of people in Africa who live in such conditions as the refugee family pictures in this essay, can someone please tell me how that refugee family fits into the set of pictures which were shown? If they had been comparing the victims of Katrina, families from the slums of Calcutta, the Voksal kids of Russia and Indonesia’s Tsunami victims etc etc, I would not bat an eyelid, but to compare a refugee family to the other non-refugees is just plain stupid. Or are there no families in Africa that are not displaced and who are living normal (even if sometimes poor) lives? I am sure in the prejudiced mind of the Time reporter, every African lives in a camp. The other week, they had another photo shoot titled “The two sides of Nigeria” and the only people who live well that they could come up with were some Lebanese. So there are no Nigerian’s who live well or what? When I saw that photo gallery, I was irritated, but I let it go, but now, I just have to speak out.

Watching CNN’s “Inside the Middle East “ and comparing it to the same Channel’s “Inside Africa” is like comparing chalk and cheese. Not that I watch these programs regularly, but the only normal stories I've seen in a long time on Inside Africa was one about fish farming in Nigeria, and the report about Oprah’s girl’s academy. Unlike Inside the Middle East, where you get a balanced view of what is happening in the Middle East and Northern Africa (Egypt is constantly featured on IME), Inside Africa only ever portrays Aid workers or refugee camps etc, or children singing for visiting westerner celebrities. I think they need to take the program off the air, because they air enough of those on regular news shows anyway. Who needs another 45 mins dedicated to how wretched Africa is when that is all we ever hear day in day out.
You can read Chxta’s post about CNN here.

In my personal opinion, the BBC currently offers the most balanced reports on Africa at the moment.

I issue a challenge to Nigerians out there to come up with a channel and/or News Magazine that portrays our nation in a balanced way and reports our news objectively, at a high quality. There are enough good journalists out there who can satisfy the yearnings for our balanced and unprejudiced reports. They can make their money by satisfying our need for information – it would be a sort of Social Enterprise. It seems CNBC is about to pave the way by launching Sub-Saharan Africa's first international business news news channel.
To the Western news organizations that insist on reporting from Africa, let me borrow from Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala and say: How to help Africa? Be objective in your reporting. Here is positive news about the strengthening of the Naira, to cheer you up a bit.

Have a happy weekend!

Make we join hands, to make Nigeria better

The inauguration of Yar'adua has come and gone. Although I condemn the elections that brought Yar'adua to power, I am realistic enough to know that if the elections were repeated right now, the same thing would happen. I do not believe that the bad, bad PDP rigged and cheated the poor honest other parties. I think that all parties cheated, and rigged. In fact, if they did not want to cheat, someone would cheat on their behalf, because that is how things are done.

I read somewhere today that Orji Kalu must be a good govenor because he is the only governor whose party won the governorship in two states. I laughed to myself - so, being a master rigger is now an accomplishment necessary to achieve praise as a Nigerian governor. The same people now proceeded to blame his underperformance in his state on Obasanjo. If Obasanjo had left him in peace, he would have achieved something in his two terms. Make I just no comment on that statement sha.

I think more can be achieved by reforming INEC and the system, and making sure that the next time things will be done right. Even though it might seem like cowardice, I am just thinking pragmatically here. If the elections are annulled right now and the elections are conducted over, with no reforms, the same circus will result, imho.

The many sides of Yar'adua

In trying to understand what type of person our new president is, I found this article a few days ago. I have since discovered that a lot of bloggers posted it sometime in 2006, so instead of posting it all over again(its quite long), here is a link to the post on Chxta's blog.

Battle of the wives

Meanwhile, it is highly unusual for Nigeria that not much information is available about his family. I have been able to find out that he is married to one wife and they have 7 children, but it seems his wife keeps a really low profile, no picture of her has popped up, in spite of my thorough web search. It seems Mrs. Goodluck will more than enough compensate for the lack of gra gra on Hajiya Yar'adua's part! I predict that things will be interesting in that area, me I dey go get popcorn.


Me I like my country
I like the land and people
Everything e dey for Nigeria
Make we join hand, to make Nigeria better!!!!

I like am, I like am ohhhhhhhhhh

Picture of the day: Victorian Era Nigeria?

On a lighter note, was I the only one struck by the ridiculous outfit of the Chief Justice of the federation? Seriously though, this outfit is one relic of the colonial era that we need to chuck, and fast too. The ruffed sleeves made me laugh even more than that wig.
Okay I know that we are probably closer to the Victorian era than we think, what with the lack of basic modern infrastructure we face, etc, but the sun too hot for such attire now. If the poor man don quench because of the heat for there as Yar'adua dey repeat the oath, dem go say na someone do am.

Picture culled from Yahoo! News

The Nigerian Proclamation

Today, five months short of 47 years since Nigeria attained independence, the first democratic handover of power from one civilian to another has taken place. On this day, which was to be a history-making occasion, the farcical elections overshadow the important occurrence.
Since independence, leader after leader has fallen over himself, each seemingly in a bid to outdo his predecessor in destroying the nation further. Millions are hungry, in a land endowed with plenty. Many values have been lost to the expedience of survival. Basic human values have been sacrificed in the survival of the fittest that is the reality of Nigeria.

I am posting the Nigerian Proclamation, as part of a laudable initiative of Solomonsydelle's, in a sign of protest against the sham, which has been forced on us in the place of democratic elections. I will however not be true to myself if I do not state that the blame for the state of things not only rests with our leaders, but also with us as a people.

When we make excuses for mediocrity, and give bribes because “he also has to feed his family, the poor policeman”, when we put pressure on our friends and colleagues who have attained political office, when we get someone to “work” our NYSC posting, so that we get posted to Lagos and not some dead end village, when we harass female students, when we mistreat our drivers and house helps- treating them lower than humans, when we get an electrician to connect us to the NEPA pole without paying, when we charm and buy our way out of a mess, when we accept questionable gifts, when we cheat our way into higher institutions, when we live so far beyond our means that the only recourse is to be corrupt, when we do wrong things and then claim it is “God’s will” to justify it, when we see injustice being done and refuse to speak out “because this country is not worth dying for”, we are contributing to the mess that is Nigeria.

Nigeria might seemingly not be worth dying for, but it’s the only country we have. There is something deep down inside one which will ever be irreversibly linked to the land of our birth.

May this proclamation be taken, not only as an accusation to our leaders, but also as a wake up call for each one of us -

Arise O Compatriots, Nigeria’s Call Obey!


THE NIGERIAN PROCLAMATION

IN RECENT HISTORY, NIGERIANS HAVE BEEN OVERWHELMINGLY BETRAYED BY THOSE CHARGED WITH ADDRESSING THEIR NEEDS. INSTEAD OF SERVING THE PEOPLE, PUBLIC SERVANTS HAVE SERVED THEMSELVES TO THE DETRIMENT OF THE MASSES.

THE RESULT IS A NATION LACKING ADEQUATE INFRASTRUCTURE, ORGANIZATION AND SECURITY. THE INEFFECTIVENESS OF NIGERIAN LEADERS INDICATES A LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY TO THE CONSTITUENTS.NIGERIANS ARE NO LONGER RELEVANT TO THE LEADERS, THUS, LEADERS DO NOT FEEL RESPONSIBLE TO THEM.

THE RECENT FAILURE TO CONDUCT A FREE AND FAIR ELECTORAL PROCESS WAS YET ANOTHER ILLUSTRATION THAT THE NEEDS OF THE MANY ARE SECONDARY TO THE WANTS OF THE IMPORTANT FEW.FROM THIS DAY, ALL NIGERIANS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FUTURE OF THIS GREAT & POWERFUL COUNTRY.

CONSEQUENTLY, ALL NIGERIANS MUST COMMIT THEMSELVES TO THE FOLLOWING:

- WE MUST DEMAND THAT ELECTED OFFICIALS BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS AND IN-ACTIONS.

- WE MUST EXPECT DEMOCRATIC PRINCIPLES TO BE HONORED, RESPECTED AND MAINTAINED.

- WE MUST BELIEVE THAT ALL NIGERIANS ARE EQUAL UNDER THE LAW AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH.

- WE MUST APPLY OURSELVES TO IMPROVING THE LOT OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL NIGERIAN REGARDLESS OF GENDER, RELIGION, TRIBE OR SOCIAL STATUS.

- WE MUST STRIVE TO MAINTAIN A UNITED REPUBLIC DESPITE OUR DIFFERENCES.

ONLY UPON ACHIEVING THESE PRINCIPLES CAN WE AS A PEOPLE FULLY LIVE UP TO OUR POTENTIAL AS A LAND OF GREATNESS. FOR OURS IS A COUNTRY RENOWNED FOR ITS ILLUSTRIOUS PEOPLE, AMPLE RESOURCES AND SHEER PHYSICAL BEAUTY.

Bring up a child in the way he should go

I saw a link for this new short story by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in the New Yorker on Uknaija's blog(thanks for the link) and I must say it is a must read. It reads like non-fiction, but even if it is fiction, it captures one of the dilemmas of modern day Nigeria very vividly. In fact, not just Nigeria, but the fact that the law is more buyable in Nigeria makes it worse.

Many parents care so much about what others think and say and because of that put their children's future in jeopardy by not making sure they are properly and adequately punished when they err.
Many teenage boys in Nigeria go through this stage of stealing and extreme misbehaviour. Their parents raise their hands in despair, and make raise up a lot of warm air, but do not really try to get to the root of the problem. I am speaking from the experiences of friends and family members.

Case 1 - A friend of mine in secondary school sneaked out his british passport and sold it to some mallams for 75000 Naira in those days. And spent the money in a few days. His parents were upset with him, after they finally dragged the truth out of him. They then took him to the british embassy and police station, claimed the passport had gotten stolen, got him a new passport and shipped him off to London. Tell me, is that the right way of dealing with such behaviour?

Case 2 - My cousin who repeatedly stole tens of thousands to take to school to show off. His dad threatened brimstone and fire, locked him out of the house one night, but his mother kept telling the father "jo rora", please take it easy. What was that amount of money doing in the house in the first place? Even today his poor mother is still in her old age making excuses for him. And outsiders are not buying it anymore.

Case 3 - A son who beat his mother up because she didn't give him the money he asked for- simply because he could not afford it. He terrorised his mother so much, brought guns into the house, his father just emotionally withdrew and acted like he was unaware of all the ongoings. He ended up finally being shot dead by policemen during a clash with cult gangs (he was a cult member).

Case 4 - There was a story carried by all the daillies last year about a commisioner in an eastern state who had been shot dead by her own son. This son had apparently been charged with rape years ago and the only fitting punishment his parents could find for him (probably in order to save face) was to ship him off to America, in order to prevent him from facing the music. Since a leopard does not change his spots, this young man soon got convicted of a crime in the USA, and after facing his prison term, was deported back to Nigeria. It was when he got back that he killed his mother and stole her car.


All the stories above demostrate failed parenting very starkly. Our people care too much about what other people will say, etc, so they let their children get away with things they should not be getting away with. And some are just too busy chasing after mammon to be able to carry a punishment through. For them, such behaviour is just irritating and doesn't fit into their well planned scheme. I don't want to generalise, but some Nigerian parents are not fit to be parents at all. In fact, may times the problems with their kids can be traced back to the parents. When a person has no respect for the sanctity of human life, treats other people as a means of getting what he want, does anything to aquire the most important thing to him (in Nigeria, that is usually wealth), has no principles, it is no wonder that the lives of many young people are being destroyed. After all, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. The sad thing is that, as with everywhere else, its usually children from well-to-do and middle class families who have these behavioural problems. When you outsource the upbringing of your children to God knows who, just in a bid to make more money - be ready to one day face the consequences. And blaming the moral decay on western society is just because we refuse to look deeper. Most of the blame rests firmly at the parents' doorstep. I remember my mother randomly checking my bag in primary and making me return every pencil or eraser that she did not buy for me and asking fiercely "where did you get that from?" - most times it wasn't delibrately taken anyway. There was no way you would come home in clothes my parents had not bought for you and it would not be noticed. In fact when my older cousin who lived with us started to do runs, he made sure to keep the newly acquired baffs well out of sight. He could be as cool as he wanted on the street, but dared not bring that past the doorstep.

Almost a whole generation has been destroyed by cultism and other ills, it is important for our generation to take our parenting tasks seriously. If you can't afford more than one child, don't have more than one so you can spend time bringing up your child properly instead of running three jobs to make ends meet and having no time for the four children you decide to have. Also be strict with your children. I'm not saying be a "god of judgement" type of parent, but even while being loving and striving to be friends with your children (as is the modern way- and it good too), remember your child is not your friend. You have a responsibility to God, your nation and your child to bring them up the right way. Otherwise, you'll have no one to blame when they turn out badly.

We are mirrors of acceptable behaviour to our children. If your child sees you beating up your wife or cheating on your husband, filing false tax returns, using a fake title you did not earn, taking bribes or using false documents, somehow, subconciously, it will take it for granted that things should be that way. When you start getting righteous when he steals from you at 16, its already too late to fix things. You need to be consistent from day one. If you do believe that stealing is the only way forward, then teach your child how to steal well, no pretences here. What does the greatest harm is the double morality of our parents. They do stuff which is obviously wrong, and then pretend like you are a fool and can't see it and start preaching to you and taking you to church. Thats why one sees some young people who despise their parents.

Remember " train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he shall not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6

A bit of good news after all that time in the wilderness!

After a long run of bad news, two relatively positive news stories about Nigeria in the international press.
The first is that Nigerians can finally fly at night due to the installation of more powerful radars. Now, hopefully they'll also fix the street lights and get robbers off the streets, then, I truly believe that Nigerians will start to fly at night in Nigeria.

The second news story is simply inspiring, because it is about someone who is using her passion to benefit others and improve our society. Read about Nigeria's "Lady Mechanics" here and maybe you'll feel a surge of hope like I did. It is wonderful to see that some people do not see a life of crime and cheating as the only way out. I am particularly impressed with how structured the whole project seems to be, with the girl's receiving Engineering classes etc.

I'm savouring these stories "well well", because who knows when next there will be anything positive about naija that will actually be carried in the international media.

Schicksal-Fate

The moment I first set eyes on him,
I knew he was the one for me.
He whispered sweet nothings to me,
brought me flowers every other day
and beads to adorn my graceful neck.
I had visions of a wonderful future with him.
We would have children together,
He would cherish me and be my Prince.

Many years down the line,
I smile a bitter smile, because
my romantic dreams turned out a mirage.
They have become nightmares,
before my very eyes.

He slaps me around and tells me I am no good.
He rapes me every time he is drunk, which is often,
and tells me I’m lucky to have him.
A useless piece of shit like me deserves no better.

I cannot bear to look at myself in the mirror,
I have become so haggard,
He makes me feel like dirt, and I wonder why,
why do I stay with him?
God hates divorce, I justify.
It is my fate in life, my destiny,
God knows best.

My friends are deserting me,
after years of telling me to stop taking shit from him.
“You deserve more than this" they counselled.
"You need to stand up for your rights,
for your sake and for your children.”

I tell them, “ who will take me if I leave him?”
Look how unattractive and haggard I am,
I have no job, no chance of survival without him.”
I have to stick with him, he is my fate.

They force me to look at pictures
I would rather never see again.
Of myself as a beautiful young woman,
the toast of the land,
for whose hand all the men were vying.
Alas, that is no longer real to me.
I can hardly believe there was a time like that.

I have now become a by-word,
People shake their heads in pity when they see me pass.
“God forbid that your fate turns out like that of…..”
is the standard prayer for new brides.

I have no control over my children,
I think my 20 year old is a yahoo boy,
and my Precious is somewhere in Italy…..
The little ones tell me “Mummy, you’re useless.”
“ Please don’t follow us into town.”
“ We don’t want people to know you are our mother.”

I know that I deserve what is happening to me.
….don’t I?
I know that there is nothing I can do about it.
Or is there?

My name is Nigeria.