A COMMON destiny!

Today the 70th anniversary of the Kristalnacht antisemitic riots was marked in Germany. Kristallnacht, or the Night of Broken Glass, is often regarded as the starting point of the Holocaust. For Anglican congregations, today was Rememberance Sunday - which is a day of rememberance for all those who have given their lives in the pursuit of peace and freedom. One part of the pastor's sermon in Church today got me thinking about how, 60 years, the amount of time that has elapsed since the end of WWII wasn't such a long period of time if things are put into perspective. Such conflicts in places like Northern Ireland, the Balkans and even the Hutsi-Tutsi war have gone/went on for so much longer. Seeing how far Western Europe has gone in putting behind the hatred and enimty of the war and in uniting and forging a common destiny is a great lesson, especially for Africa. Below are a few outstanding examples of how far people on different sides of World war II have come in terms of moving on in the last 60 years.

The Dresden Frauenkirche(The Church of our lady), destroyed during the (deliberately? some might controversially argue) bombing of Dresden (which was one of the most beautiful Baroque cities in Europe) by the US and British troops just a few weeks before the end of the war, as well as the Coventry cathedral, destroyed by German bombers during the same war were both kept for years as war memorials. The Dresden Frauenkirche was reconstructed and rededicated in 2005, having been rebuilt over a period of 13 years with donations from severaly sources, including support from the city of Coventry. The new cross on top of the dome of the cathedral was constructed by Alan Smith, a British goldsmith from London whose father, Frank, was a member of one of the aircrews who took part in the bombing of Dresden.

Volgograd was almost completely destroyed during WWII. The Battle of Volgograd/Stalingrad was the bloodiest battle in human history, with combined casualties estimated to be above 1.5 million. I visited war gravesite and memorial in Volgograd(Stalingrad), Russia sometime in early 2001. Some groups in Germany were financing the excavation of the mass graves, and identification of soldiers bodies, both Russian and German. The names of the victims identified so far are engraved into a wall, with the graves of Russian soldiers on one side of the road, and those of German soldiers on the other side.

It always amazes me anytime I travel in Alsace, the region in France of which Strasbourg, where the council of Europe has its seat, is the capital city. Alsace is a region that lies between Germanz and France and which has several times in its history been transferred back and forth between the two countries. In fact, during the last war, members of the same family were drafted to fight on different sides. Yet, today, the people of Alsace, France and Germany have moved on. Alsacians can now speak their language freely and celebrate their culture openly. One can move freely between both countries, live in France and work in Germany and vice-versa. You can do your shopping across the border in the same currency, without any stress or fear (Of course once you cross the border, even though there are rarely any checks, you instinctively sense you are in a different country due to the difference in architecture and landscape).

These are a few examples of how far these peoples have come in the 6o years since the war ended. How I wished many African countries would take a cue. A peculiarity of African wars is that most of the conflicts in Africa are tribal/ethnic conflicts that have spanned centuries - before the Europeans arrived and complicated the problems by forcing them into one country, Hutsis and Tutsis were killing each other, etc. Wars within a country only destroy the common future for both the agressor and the aggrieved. The current conflict in Congo has very few winners, perhaps 0,001% of the population.

Even in Nigeria where thére is currently no war going on, tribalism has continued to pull us down. This disease that makes the fact of a person being 'my brother' the single most important fact in political appointments or in the prosecution of offences is pulling us back as a country. There is a subconcious tribal war going on in that country. Its time to realise that as long as Nigeria remains one country, we share a common destiny. To paraphrase that biblical admonishment to captive Jews in a foreign land 'pray for the peace of the land you are in, for in its peace, you will find your peace'. Without peace for the Igbo, the Yoruba cannot have peace in the same country. As long as some people in the North continue in ignorance to refuse vaccination for their children against polio, all of our children will continue to be at risk of polio. As long as progress and justice bypasses the Niger Delta, true economic progress cannot come to the whole country. Our destinies and futures are shared. We need to let that fact permeate our minds and hearts.

Manners?

- You come in, they continue staring at the tv screen or sometimes even at you, without saying a word. "D, how are you", you ask? He smiles back, answers "fine" if you are lucky, and promptly ignores you, absorbed in whatever it was he was doing before you came in.

- Their uncle comes in, and says hi to the adults but "overlooks" N and Y. He ignores them because he is sick of having to always greet them first, old enough to be their father as he is.

D is a 10 year old son of Nigerian parents, born and bred in the U.k.

N and Y are Austrian, in their early teens.

One thing I cannot stand is bad manners.

Dreams

What are dreams and where do they come from? How come some dreams come to pass and some do not? Can we chose our dreams?

I have had dreams in the past which came to pass, or through which I got to know about some happening in someones life which I had no other human way of knowing. These have typically been very far in between, and quite scary for me. Now, in the space of one week, I have had two such occurrences. I did not ask for this "gift", and I do not want it. But I would like to understand it.

Things that meant a lot to me growing up: My cards

We are a letter writing, card giving family. I got Birthday cards appropriately filled with gushing words from adoring parents for as long as I can remember growing up. I remember poring over the cards for days on end, they made me feel warm and loved by my parents. It gave me a warm protected feeling, taking the place of hugs and goodnight kisses. Since my parents settled back in Nigeria, for some weird reasons, I had become highly uncomfortable with the rough hugs my father gave us. I know it is his way of showing love, but he hugs in a funny way still till this day trying to force my 20 something head on his shoulders. I bear it nowadays because, heck, I only see the man about once a year. But I digress.

I got Birthday cards from my siblings and friends as well. I got Success cards when I had exams and Congratulation cards when I passed my exams. I got Easter cards and Christmas cards as well. I got Get-well-soon cards and Be-my-val cards. Well only one Be-my-val card, but it still counts, doesn't it? I also loved to give cards. I pored for minutes in gift shops trying to pick out the exact card which would convey the intensity of my feeling for my mom/ dad/ siblings/friends, in fact for who ever it was I was getting the card for.

I have saved all my cards since I was about 10, maybe, and I carry them around with me. That is one of the few indulgences I allow myself in my worldwide voyage. I have left furniture behind without batting an eyelid, shed a few tears over some books before eventually leaving them behind, left things behind with the hope of eventually returning to get them sometime, but never my cards. I always take them with me. They are of the utmost importance to me. Even if I only pore through them once every year, or sometimes even more irregularly, yet I know they are there waiting to take me years down memory lane, to that card from daddy on my 13th birthday, that card in which my mummy wrote how proud of me she was, that first handmade card from Eddie or that christmas card from my friend T whose becoming a mother anytime from now........The only thing that means more to me than my cards are my letters.......but that is a post for another day.

The ethic of reciprocity

I have been on vacation and thinking deeply about a lot of things recently, about my present, my past and my future. Somehow in spite of all the happenings around me and in my head, or maybe because of them, I have not had the urge to write recently. I will be writing about some of the things going on in my head.

My friend C and I have been through a lot together. Even now that we don't live in the same city anymore, we talk regularly on the phone and share most of our secrets. We are so different that I would not have believed that we would remain friends.

C doesn't trust anyone. It doesn't matter who you are, make a "misstep" and she doesn't give you a chance to explain, you are just cut off or harshly judged. We argue about that a lot. As much as I love C, I know she is the type of person who will always look out for number one. That has happened many times even towards me. I have often wondered what happened in her past to make her like that.

Mr. K was a married man when we were students who had asked C out. She told me that he had taken her out a few times, I knew that he called her sometimes, but she told me he was just her friend and I believed her because I could be friends with a married man, but I would never knowingly have a relationship with one. Besides, everyone knew that Mr. K had another girlfriend.

A mutual male friend of Cs and mine, Chima once told me I was just being naive and thought that everyone was like myself when the subject of C and Mr. K came up, and when I said "they are just friends".

Chima cheats on his wife.

Some random thoughts in my head:

Are we untrusting because we are untrustworthy, or are we untrustworthy because we are untrusting?
Are we harsh and critical because we have been harshly criticised, or are we harshly criticised because we are harsh and critical?
Are we unloving because we are unlovable, or are we unlovable because we are unloving?
Could "do onto other as you would be done by" have a more pertinent potential positive effect on our lives, christianity apart?

My own opinion is, yes. Living by The Golden Rule can have a positive effect on your life even if you are not a Christian.

Read more about the ethic of reciprocity here.