Wednesday, March 26, 2008


I have not had so much to say nor felt so incapable of expressing myself in any form as I have felt in the last few months...... Ever since we lost the gift we hadn't planned on, a lot has changed for me. I feel things just as deeply, but can't really be bothered to express myself. Its’ not really that I'm grieving - after all I never really got to know him that well. Even though I was only in the very early stages, at a point where there were more imaginary changes than real ones occurring in my body, I had begun to imagine that he could hear me. I always wanted a daughter, but somehow I knew this baby was a boy. I also knew that I would give my life for that little piece of life growing in me. Sadly I didn't get the opportunity. I only know that God knows best. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be His name. I wanted to call him "God's gift" *. I know that any child that He chooses to give me will be His gift.

I learnt one thing - every single child born healthy is a gift from God above. One can't always choose the date like one can with respect to most other things on God's earth. In this one area, one must learn to say YES to God's will. I was not sure I wanted to be a mother before. I wasn't sure when I'd be ready, but the fleeting couple of months that my gift spent with me made me certain that I'll be ready as soon as He allows.

* Theodora - God's gift


Chxta said...


I am lost here, what happened?

Anonymous said...

I am an avid reader of your blog and I'm glad that you are back. That said, I am very sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in my prayers. Don't worry my sister, God shall grant you this gift again in Jesus name. Take care.


internationalhome said...

Arin you've wrenched out my heart! I am sorry to hear this. But know that this will make you stronger and God loves you always. You are in my prayers. xx

joicee said...

Dear Marin,
I´m so sorry for your loss
It is well with you....Don´t forget that he makes all things beautiful in his own time.

Marin said...

Anon, International Home and Joicee, thank you so much for your kind words and wishes.

Chxta,I had a miscarriage.

kuesooM said...

Arin, I pray that God will heal you in all ways possible, and you will not loose your joy and hope! God is all knowing and my prayer is that you shall continue to feel His presence and touch!


wao, babes so sorry to hear this, God sees He knows, He will bless you!!! take it easy!

Marin said...

@Kuesoom and 36 inches, thanks for your comments and your kind words.

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